Sunday, August 28, 2005

Thinking of Leaving

Laying diagonally upon my bed -
looking alternately at the purple sky and the red beneath my eyelids -
I ask myself "why?" as I numb my mind with a myriad of moving pictures

Saturday, August 27, 2005

I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze.

There was a gathering and pseudonyms are used to protect the innocent from being linked to me when I inevitably get arrested, the partys partakers were then "The tall smelly guy", "Crazy Cat girl", "Manic Crazy Girl", "that guy" and "depresso" oh and me, but in order to protect myself my pseudonym is..."some guy thats not me but is".

On a quiet shallow friendship sorta night, A friendly bottle of red wine quickly consumed placed us in a hostile drinking situation..."to drink more or to leave?" was the question. A crate of pissy beer later and a few bottles of the headache inducing stuff and we all lay wasted upon the sofa strewn battlefield.

Well, Crazy Cat girl and Manic Crazy Girl were upstairs, The tall smelly guy, that guy, depresso and some guy thats not me but is were all downstairs. Then "some guy I met on new years" came in. And said that he wanted to go get a crate 'o' beer if we were in. £2 later and we all were. The crate now in our posession was Fosters. Frikkin' fosters, the urination of the Australian nation, though in reality it probably tastes worse, anyhow, we drank and some guy I met on new years cooked us chips, what a nice guy. We whiled the night away watching "SeaLab 2021"...



'sup dawg?


Well as the hours went on..and on.. suddenly it was 5am we'd been talking for hours and I was left alone talking to myself sitting upon the regularly cleaned sofa at The tall smelly guy's house. Everyone else was tucked up in bed and I settled down to a game of solitare before I slept. (those were the days..the days when my phone worked, those days being yesterday.)

Well as Spontaneous gatherings go this was a welcome surprise.

Fun was had by nearly all. Apart from Depresso who went to bed early.

Monday, August 22, 2005

An Ode to Non Milky Tea

Real tea, I drinking be - not that milky filth that thou consumes with excrement from a cow clouding judgement thou. Oh how I long to drink tea that makes one think, and not a beverage that as its leverage entails suffering high of the serene bovine.


Sunday, August 21, 2005

On the Dole and asking Jesus for help...

Here's a suggestion; instead of having annoying kids (and we all know that ALL kids are annoying), people should have pet monkeys. They're entertaining (just remember those funny PG tips adverts?), they're cute (because they're stupid and little) and above all They don't grow up to waste incredible amounts of resources and destroy the planet (like western children).

Sitting about watching Ray Mears's "XxXtreme Survival" programmes. Today's thus far have been on surviving on mountains, surviving in the Australian outback, surviving in "hostile" territory and surviving on a deserted island and occasionally about dieing because people just ain't no good at surviving. I deem the programmes to be Mucho enlightening - I plan to do some surviving in the Brecon Beacons within the next week or so.

Now I'm officially on; "the Dole", "benefit", "the scrounge", "jobseekers", "the blag", call it what you will but I think I am actually going to call it "free money whilst I look for an interesting job that isn't - for a corporation that's inherently evil" or "FMWILFAIJ-FACTIE" for short. My initial FMWILFAIJ-FACTIE interview went fine even though I'd only slept an hour and a half before it. Well that's what happens when the government makes you go to the Job Centre at 8.50am on a Saturday. I went for a drink or three at Daves all the way up in Taffs Well and had to get up at 06:30am in order to reach the relative civilisation that the Romans called "Cardiff". By the way a shot of Absinthe immediately preceding a shot of tequila makes the tequila taste ok - I said ok, not good, nothing can make tequila taste good, apart from not drinking it ever, then it would taste of nothing which is good when compared to tequila.

Well, I think with my newfound survival skills I'm going to put some of them into use now by soldering my headphones back into working order again - I need them to survive...otherwise I have to listen to peoples inane conversations whilst I sit within the confines of buses or walk down streets.

For example:

Judgemental Idiot: "So what are yous up to then?"
Me: "I'm walking down the street"
Judgemental Idiot: "yous thinks yous well clever don't cha butt?
Me: "Yes your honour, I plead guilty to the charge"
Judgemental Idiot: "you wot?"
Me: "hehehe"

Jesus...there are so many idiots around...please ask your dad to smite them for me ;-)

Ps. Don't wear hooded clothes 'round town, the police or Heddlu don't take kindly to it

  • Disclaimer: I don't really believe that Jesus, some people's lord and saviour, other people's fictional character will answer my plea, but if he does oh boy i'll be glad that I pray EVERY single god damn day.


  • ps. I don't really pray.
    pps. I think t's stupid.

    Sunday, August 14, 2005

    Not at Home (i'm at Tom's) waiting for dawn...

    So, been busy eating icecream...and visiting Welsh Heritage sites... hehe if by Welsh heritage sites i mean Cafes, and by visiting i mean sitting in them drinking coffee...


    Something came up in conversation tonight, something that deeply shocked me. I thought better of my friends but obviously i was wrong, so wrong in fact that i was completely wrong. Alltogether wrong. Isn't that amazing?


    Well, they pour milk... in their tea..and then they drink it?!? That's messed up. I mean seriously messed up. Theres no defence for mutilating a cup of tea like that. I mean do Chinese Green Tea drinkers/ninja masters put milk in their tea?


    NO, they frikkin' well don't matey



    Urgh, even thinking twice about it makes me almost vomit all over Tom's beautiful black bedspread, and it's not the binged ice cream or chocolate or white beer making me feel like throwing up, not at all, it's 110% purely due to thinking about milky tea, urgh. If any of you ever put milk in green tea i'll take your eyes out with the teaspoon you used to stir it. If you want to defend yourselves leave a comment otherwise i automatically win.


    And while I'm at it, is it just me or is eating a tub of ice cream not like seriously bingey? It's like drinking whiskey from the bottle. You know you're in trouble when you discover someone eating straight from the tub. Serious Trouble ;-)


    "The moment you start passing judgement...you stop moving forward. You make a choice of not listening" - Samira Makhalmbaf - (Contemporary Iranian Film Maker)


    Tom made me some really nice food, a vegetarian chilli of sorts, truly splendiferous, that was brought to me in association with the original "Dawn Of The Dead" to complete the culinary adventure.


    And now as i sit in Toms very own shared spare room, mourning the passing of the evening, i ponder. I ponder about if i was "trapped" in a dawn of the dead-esque situation...would i act as lamely/poorly as the actors do in the original version? (if by "trapped" i mean if i was "forced to star in another remake", don't get me wrong, i love zombie movies with all of my body yet the best acting was by far lead zombie no.3 and he was undead. (Lead Zombie no.3 that's the buddist monk one, hehe a reincarnated buddist...))


    With that in mind i'm going to write the ultimate Zombie movie plot line below, in 4 lines.



  • It's dawn all the time...Zombies sparsley interspaced everywhere, location: lapland in summer..scandinavian zombies with massive overbites roam the vast fields 29 hours away from the nearest city

  • A group of 12 mildly attractive young people led by Vin Diesel are camping by a river, they are all meditating and not arguing or trying to kill each other because sometimes people do actually get on with each other

  • The Zombies uncoordinatedly attack, the mildly attractive europeans led by Vin Diesel meditate for five more minutes and turn out to be not completely inept at smashing rocks into the heads of the human equivalent of super slow man sized snail- and kill all the incredibly slow moving zombies quickly and eficiently with no over valiant dashes across carparks into zombie infested houses at all and without killing each other or causing each other to die by being assholes

  • The End


  • Now that's a realistic zombie movie. I mean how hard can it be to not be bitten by someone? Especially someone moving really slowly. Slowly like a man-snail.

    I just thought up a poem:

    Life is like a box of chocolates, it you leave it alone too long it goes white and tastes bad

    I just thought up another

    Life is like a box of chocolates, if you eat them all at once you feel sick

    Now theres a paradox, Descartes had nothing.

    Friday, August 12, 2005

    Ask not what you can fold for your country...ask what your country can fold for you...

    So, been busy eating ice cream... and visiting Welsh heritage sites so that I can re-initialise my Welshyness - the bland euro accent doesn't really dig it here butt.

    Anyhow relating to the Welshyness reinitialisation well, i saw the





    Sheep with the biggest balls ever...



    It was seriously scary, i also saw the fattest guy ever, and the ugliest girl ever...and if you don't believe me you can ask ulla she saw it all.

    Ahh life back in Wales. Integration is the key, and by integration i mean running away.

    Climbed the odd mountain the other day in Brecon (for those of you who don't know where that is it's exactly 30 minutes north of Civilisation...) and amongst other things i discovered my parents wonderful ceiling fan...




    with my hand while i was stretching



    On a scale of 1 to dumb, i felt dumb after i did it, and on a scale of 1 to goddamnit-that-hurt, well it was somewhere in the middle actually, the dumbness made the pain a punishment it was in all a not so great experience. fu*k yeah.

    Addittionally i attended the daily IKEA ceremony, where thousands of Cardiffians go there and purposely buy ugly furniture and don't buy minimalist scandinavian things like white tables. As i have been indoctrinated in the minimalist style, hence my white blog background, i opted for a white triangular folding table, black folding chairs and a folding sofabed. I like my furniture to fold, its a requisite, just like proteins folding is to life. A wise man once told me "If it don't fold...it takes up more space" and I hold that wisdom close to heart. Even my computer folds.

    Friday, August 05, 2005

    ACE online!

    So it is done.

    My Northern Voyage can be found here at - http://northernvoyage.blogspot.com
    finally I am finished with it.

    I've also moved back to Cardiff for a while, but i've probably forgotten to mention that in all the excitement over finishing my Northern Voyage page...

    Well that's that.
    "Life has no meaning a priori...It is up to you to give it a meaning, and value is nothing but the meaning that you choose." - J.P Sartre